Extreme Cover Letters (That Don't Work!)

I'm conducting a national confidential search for a Creative Director for an out of town client.  In addition to the normal approach of researching and calling into targeted (competitive) companies for passive candidates, I've posted the position on a couple of specialty creative job sites.

I received two cover letters today, that are remarkable in their own way.  Both fail miserably I think for obvious reasons.  I thought I'd share them with you because most people just don't understand how ineffective these approaches can be.  They basically serve to disqualify the candidate immediately.

The first Creative Director has quite an ego.  The letter is all about him . . . I've tried to deliver the format the way I received it:

"I am a
self-motivated creative super star who is unafraid to push the boundaries in order to achieve greatness! My specialty is putting the WOW factor into every facet of what I do, from creating eye-popping graphics to writing attention-grabbing copy. If it can be printed, read or otherwise visualized, I have done it in my 15-year career. My vast experience includes both corporate and agency-based creative, management of large and small teams, direction over design and production as well as mastery of Mac-based systems inside and out.
In the workplace, I
am personable and easy to talk to. I can handle criticism as easily as praise and respond to suggestions or instructions in a positive, forward-thinking manner. My colleagues often seek me out for solutions to help them better perform their own tasks.
My ideal scenario
is to find a company or agency who can utilize my talents to their full extent.
As many things as I have accomplished thus far, I have only scratched the surface of my potential. Your company will reap the rewards of the continuing growth and evolution of my career, resulting in a mutually beneficial situation. I am seeking a salary range beginning at 65K per year, but am certainly flexible, given the right opportunity. I have also filled out a profile and uploaded a resume on your site.
Please click the
following link to view my portfolio of recent work:
http://www.coroflot.com/acmecreativeguywithmassiveego
I look forward to
speaking with you further so we can begin our new relationship together soon.
Thank you for your time and consideration."

I know this next one will speak for itself:

"Hi. Attch. is a R.
Thx, DCU"

The idea is to let the company know you want to work for them, and why.  It shouldn't be all about you, it should be all about what you can do for them.