It's Friday and it's Veteran's Day. With a respectful nod to those who wear the uniform in support of our freedom, both past and present, I though a little humor is in order. I received these "quotations" in a heavily forwarded email yesterday. These are ostensibly from the Australian government, but most of them could easily he heard in the HR Department of any company!
THESE ARE "ACTUAL" QUOTES TAKEN FROM AUSTRALIAN FEDERAL GOVERNMENT
EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS.
1) "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."
2) "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3) "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
4) "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
5) "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
6) "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
7) "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
8) "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
9) "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
10) "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
11) "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
12) "A gross ignoramus...144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
13) "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.."
14) "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
15) "He's been working with glue too much."
16) "He would argue with a signpost."
17) "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
18) "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
19) "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
20) "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
21) "A prime candidate for natural de-selection.."
22) "Donated his brain to science before he was through using it."
23) "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train ain't coming."
24) "He's got two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
25) "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
26) "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
27) "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
28) "It's hard to believe he beat off 1,000,000 other sperm."
29) "One neuron short of a synapse."
30) "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
31) "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60 minutes'."
32) "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
There was no attribution for these, but thankfully, someone apparently has the time to do this compilation for the rest of the world! God Bless!
Thank a Veteran or Armed Forces Member today!